Day Eleven – Request

If you don't ask, the only answer is no. Where is that true in your life? For me, I learnt this lesson as an awkward adolescent, wondering if I was gay since I could never find a girlfriend, and being attracted to woman but having no idea what to do. I found a mentor in my life long friend Ali, who was fascinated by my reticence, and coached me in the delicacies of romantic advancement. I started to ask. Boy was it hard at first – but I overcame my fears with the knowledge that if I didn't, I would end up a pretty weird kind of person. I guess I ended up like that anyway, but at least I now have two beautiful daughters who bring me great joy. So what do you need to be asking for in your business? Your Mission – Start Asking For What You Want

In the sales world, there is a famous story that is told to demonstrate the need to ask for the sale. The story goes something like this: a salesman is in a house with his customer, trying to sell a $25,000 pre-fabricated back yard shed. He looks around the house, realises this man does not have much money, and begins to feel embarrassed that he might be convincing him to spend money he can ill afford – so he quickly excuses himself and leaves. As he is walking away, the owner of the house runs after him. "Why did you stop selling the shed to me?" the owner demands. "Because I thought you can not afford it" the salesman meekly replies. "How dare you judge me that way. It is my decision to make, not yours!" And there's the lesson. How often are you ready to offer the discount, before it's even been asked for? How ready are you to make the decision on behalf of your student, when that decision is theirs? Or how often, and this is the biggie, do you not even ask for the sale? When you dig deep into your so-called kindness, what you discover is that your "kindness" is actually patronising, even insulting, to the ability of your student to make decisions on their own. Particularly in our work, where we treasure the idea that each of us is fully responsible for the decisions we make, it is axiomatic that you give your student the right make their own decision… So you ask: Will you continue lessons with me? Shall I book you into the group? Are you coming to my workshop? Your job is not to convince them to say "Yes" – your job is to get them to be clear about what they want to do next… "I have to think about it." – Well – think about what? "I probably will" Oh – are you concerned about anything? Let me help with that. To serve your student you do not accept "maybe" because they are not making a decision. Get them to clarity – a no is as good as a yes, but they will feel better having got that clarity. They will thank you for it. Marj once told us in her workshop in Sydney in 1987: "There are no maybes in this work. You either are or you are not." Fear of being rejected was the real reason as an adolescent that I failed to pop my question. And when that fear triumphs, both of you lose. Because if you don't ask, the only answer is no. Your mission (should you wish to accept it) is to notice the times you fail to ask for the sale, or when you do ask, how you much anticipate a person's response, and then bounce off that hallucination to mitigate your own words and request. In other words: practise making plain, simple requests, and then – as my 11 year is fond of telling me – shutup!