People-Pleaser Meets “The Boss”

For me, the scariest client is the one who doesn’t seem to care about me at all.

Instead of reacting to how I feel - or my approach and ideas - they instead seem to react to some inner set of values that I have no knowledge of. They are quietly fierce in their silence. Of the nine personality types mapped onto the Enneagram symbol, this one is known as “The Boss” or “The Leader”.

Maybe you are that person?

Then you understand why you appear so strong to other people – because, inside your Self, you have very little doubt about your rights and wrongs. You know – it almost surprises you that people don’t seem to know; that they seem so fickle with their opinions.

You are not influenced much by others – you are influenced most by your own ideas.

In body types, there is a firm, intentional organisation of movement. The physical impression is one of firm, quiet strength. However, there is a stubbornness behind that strength that can be quite a challenge to address. The ‘rightness’ of their posture may be the ‘wrongness’ you must deal with. They will be stubborn.

I remember once a wonderful moment with a client like this – he was a businessman and used to bossing people about. It was a challenge for him to be in the ‘student’ position. Happily, he was quick to decide if my ideas were helpful to him or not. I was never left in doubt.

At one point, I asked him:

“Please be aware that your head moves—” I got no further than that.

“I don’t know how to be aware. I don’t know what that means.”

No apology. No question. Straight out fact. These kinds of blunt answers are typical for a boss. It doesn’t mean you accept it or give up. They are telling you, “It is like this,” Now it is your job to point out another alternative. They want to be challenged by you…

And you better be as confident, clear and robust as they are – or they will not listen.

So I quickly replied: “You know what nerve fibres are, right?”

A quick nod. He was listening.

“Well, we have a system known as proprioception, which relays information via afferent fibres to areas of the brain which we can access consciously.”

Another quick nod. I deliberately used complex terms of neuroscience – knowing that this type of person does not want to admit that they don’t understand. I continued…

“So when I ask you to be ‘aware’ – I am asking you to access this proprioceptive information to redirect your movement system.”

I waited. He considered my proposal. Finally, in a grudging voice, he replied:

“OK. I think I can push that through.”

When you have this kind of client – never back down. Never admit to doubt – not because you don’t have doubt, but because showing it to your client will undermine his ability to listen to you. They do want to feel you know – that’s why they came. Remember that. They need someone as confident as they are to feel secure in your session.

They won’t readily admit to any weakness, but the fact they are with you is a massive step for them. Don’t betray them - be clear, precise and confident.

Then, for sure, they will praise you to their friends.

And come back for more sessions… 

PS I will be offering a workshop next year in Denver, Colorado on these 9 Character Types and how to deal with each. For now, I will send an email every week each kind of client!