Respecting Your Students

To respect the person you want to attract, you need to stand with them. Of course to "stand with them" may mean voicing an opinion that causes controversy amongst others. My declarations about chair and table work fall into this category. One of the revelationary discoveries I had in my business, marketing and sales education was that if no-one is getting mad (angry) at you, then it may be your position is too weak to attract anyone. In sales-speak it is called "disqualifying" people - letting everyone know without doubt where you stand on an issue. It's about drawing a line in the sand: those that will never agree with you can go on their merry way, and those that have doubts and concerns understand they are in the right place. This is how I am about chair and table work. I respect your right to teach this way, but I do not have to pretend that I am a fan. However, this is a subtle position, and what is more easily heard is: "I disrespect your teaching style." And of course, anyone who hears that message gets mad, really mad. And paradoxically, that's a sign that you are, in fact, getting your message across. Here's what you have to remember: the people who get mad are not your market. Don't let them distract you from who you are there to respect: the doubters, the unsure, the people willing to question conventional wisdom. Let the others get mad and stir up a fuss - it serves you well when they do that. Inadvertently they are helping to situate you perfectly. They are drawing attention to a position that you want people to know about. Of course, telling them this is what you are doing will only make them madder. Which helps even more. It may appear to you that I am deliberating trying to make people mad, but I'm not. I am fearlessly declaring an opinion that you don't agree with. How you react is your business, not mine. Again, too subtle a position for most people, who will happily pour scorn on this thinking, and carry on being mad. However, I believe it's not possible for me to make you mad… Who Is It That Really Makes You Mad? In my world, no-one makes me mad. That's my job - I am the only one who gets to do that. Sure I get mad - I am no saint which everyone knows - but I am not fool enough to think I am a victim of your opinion of me. The only opinion I care about is my opinion of me. That sounds terribly ego-centric and selfish of me, yet that is pure Alexander. How do I figure that? When you're teaching, who the is most important person? Who must you care for first? Your student? That's the conventional answer you'll hear from people unfamiliar with Alexander's Discovery. And it's not functional. I must put me first, look after my own co-ordination first. We all know that, yet it is still a constant surprise as it seems so counter-intuitive to being caring and compassionate towards others. I must think about ME first, that is the only way to help YOU. That's why I value my opinion of me, before I value your opinion of me. Paradoxically, this gives me the capability of hearing you. Instead of being on defence, I am listening. Declaring An Opinion That Makes Some People Mad Where are you holding back an opinion in fear of how some people will react? And is that serving your ability to attract those who agree with your opinion?

This is at the heart of what makes you effective or not - your willingness to be disliked. Here's a truth that you need to know: the more you stake out a clear position, the more opposition is likely to rise against it. Jesus did not do too well in winning over the hearts of everyone, but he sure was effective in getting his message across. Even the Dalai Lama, the epitome of wisdom and compassion, is despised and hated and the recipient of vicious vitriol from the Chinese authorities, and less noisily so, but no less intensely, by many fundamental Christians who see him as no less than an incarnation of the devil. In your niche, don't try to be loved by everyone. It is ineffective. Have the courage to declare who you are and what you believe. The only thing that will stop you is the fear of rejection. This is where you must understand that you are building relationships with people who care about what you care about. You can only be rejected by the people who are not going to be your market anyway. So the only "cost" to you is the "cost" of being disliked. It will not damage your business - on the contrary, it will support your business growing. However, don't start this until you are crystal clear. First know your niche. Then know how many are in your niche that will agree with your position. And be sure that this group is a sustainable proportion of your niche, or your business will die! Then stake out your position in unambiguous terms. It's an option, but it takes courage. Your mission (should you choose to accept it) is to declare within our group where you could more effectively side with your students by declaring an opinion you know could cause some push back onto you.