What Do I Do When They Criticize Me?

On an ATSuccess call at 5am this morning, it popped out that one teacher had spent a year resisting the idea of sending emails to her audience.

Blogging yes, emails no.

Now, I don't know why that is the case.

However, I do know why I once felt this way.

I worried that people would be annoyed, that they would unsubscribe; that instead of serving them, I would be disturbing them. And that disturbed me.

This morning, I had an epiphany about this.

This is EXACTLY what happens - in another way - when we are learning. Have you ever noticed that whenever you - or your student - gains a new experience or discovery, almost immediately, the talk returns to the old habit?

If not, start watching for that…

Students don't talk about the "yes" change they just had, they talk about the "no" reasons that previously blocked their change. And - inevitably - as they talk about their "blocks", the "blocks" return. The old thinking returns. The old patterns of co-ordination reassert themselves, until there is nothing left of the change that just happened.

Why is it we focus more on our "no" instead of our "yes"?

I think these are 3 key reasons:

1. It's part of our design.

Our brain is an emergency alert centre, it's on SOS all day. Only recently in our evolutionary history, have you been able to stop worrying about who would eat you alive, and then, where you get your next meal? However, no one let your brain know that - it's still on automatic, living in that survive-or-die world.

FM keep telling us so.

2. It's too transient to grasp.

Our new "yes" experience or discovery is delicate, almost ethereal, and we don't have enough experience, language and understanding to describe it.

3. Our "no" habit is louder.

When the "no" we have been living with so long is seen - we are shocked, delighted and amazed, that something so familiar, is seen so differently. We can't resist talking about it.

We have good reasons to jump back to our past. Which is why we utilize constructive, conscious thinking to refocus our attention towards the new "yes" that we want.

This takes effort - not a muscular effort, a conscious evolutionary effort.

We are rewiring our brain, retraining it to behave appropriately in our new evolutionary situation. The brain is miraculous in its ability to adapt and change, however it does have a default.

Our brain's default - as FM never tired to point out - no longer serves our interests.

How does this apply in business?

Well, I started off referring to the fear of criticism we have, to go public with our ideas. This fear paralyses 80% of the clients I have dealt with during my years as an ATSuccess coach.

Unbelievable.

AND TRUE.

And lethal to your business success.

Your best students are the ones who come every week, pay on time and never complain, cancel or fuss - and what's the payoff they get for that?

Nothing. We ignore them. We assume.

Our attention is pulled away by the people who criticize us, who complain; who want the free lesson, ask for a discount, then cancel their lesson at the last minute.

They are our worst customers, and we give them our most time!

It's insane. Because we default to the "no" not the "yes"

10 people come to your workshop, 9 praise you, 1 bitterly complains: who occupies your mind the most? Because of the threat, the danger. Your 7/24 SOS machine.

We need a happy alert. A celebration habit.

You do that by first surrounding your Self with like-minded people, committed to the same thing. You go to meetings, listen and encourage conscious, constructive change.

At ATSuccess we have built such a community. You don't see it, because the 10+ busy Facebook groups we have, are all in Secret mode. You don't know we exist.

Which is why, dear reader, you can consider joining the ATSuccess community. Even if you've done this course once, you would not be the first person to do it again…

Jeremy's ATSuccess 60Day Autumn Foundations Course