Wonderful Life Communication

When did another person last say to you: “You don’t understand!!!”

Whenever a person tells you that, they are right. You don’t understand their story. You only understand your story about their story! It’s natural, except…

How do you get past that?

Previously in my blog – “Standing Is Just A Story You Tell Your Self” – I asked you to explore the way that you and others stand…

Are your hips thrust forward, upper body leaning back, heck strained forward? I pointed out that you fix this experience of standing into words; then those words perpetuate your old experience.

It becomes a closed loop – you do what you feel is right, based on the past. In time, you regress rather than progress.

Instead of seeking new experiences, you are consistently seeking old experiences. This reaffirms who you think you are. You repeat and repeat and repeat – and your fixed identity emerges: “This is me. This is who I am.” It includes how you stand.

That is all fine if you are happy with who you are – and how your stand –all the time! When life is a joy, and nothing is a problem – who cares about identity?

However, most people are not happy all the time. As Thoreau wrote in 1862:

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them."

Is your song still within you?

Do you have a dream, a passion that is not expressed?

What gives us a feeling of being alone, of being unable to speak from our truthful Self?

Effective communication is a key to living a wonderful life.

Connecting with other people – this is what we are designed for. Mammals are a tribal animals: nature designed us to herd together. Genuine togetherness creates deep fulfilment in our lives, it’s biological. Loving another person is based on being able to understand and communicate effectively with that person.

How are you at effective communication?

In BodyChance Teaching Methods course – which is an advanced course for full-time students – communication is core of what we explore.

Like all things at BodyChance – we base our communication first on ordinary every day movements. Like how you are standing. It is from the little things that the big things grow.

Exploration of effective communication – through teaching others – offers you an opportunity to discover how to live a wonderful life.

You do not need to learn how to communicate – you need to learn how you get out of it’s way.

At BodyChance we start from the premise that everyone is able to communicate perfectly. Children can be wonderful communicators, whereas adults tend to complicate things.

How can your communication flow naturally, effectively and joyfully?

The first step is to understand that you are communicating your Self – your being, your beliefs, your needs.

Therefore, your first job is to find clarity about you.

This is what you study at BodyChance – your movements, your ideas about movements. I sometimes call it “The School of You”. Alexander's discovery gives you an effective way to get clear on what is happening in your movements:

Movements are the total expression of what you feel, think and believe.

When you get clear about what is going on in you, then everything around you starts becoming clearer too. Communication then flows more easily.

Clarity makes sense of the world and it gives you more power.

But how do you find clarity?

By practising accurate communication.

What is accurate communication?

Let me tell you a story…

Years ago I was falling in love. Everything was going well, then something unexpected happened. How I reacted to that served to ruin our relationship. It ended as quickly as it started – because of my poor communication. I was very, very sad – and I learnt a great lesson in effective communication.

Has something like this happened to you? In relationships, at your work place, in your family?

Here’s an example based on those experiences…

Let’s say you are falling in love. You speak on the phone every day for a week, each call more exciting and fulfilling. However, your new partner is very busy. They ask you not to ring them.

But your new love rings you every day, so it is OK. It is Wonderful. You feel so happy.

Then one day, the phone does not ring. Eh?!

You panic, you wonder why?!

Still – you wait till tomorrow – surely a call will come then?

Tomorrow no call comes.

Now you worry, and maybe feel a little frustrated, even angry. You think you should ring. But maybe that is a bad idea? You don’t know what to do. You wait…

Many days go past, still no call.

Now you are angry – you feel betrayed, tricked. You wonder if you imagined it all?

Suddenly, the phone rings. It is your partner. What do you say?

There are THREE ways you can communicate, and this will demonstrate my point about the need for accurate communication…

***
WAY ONE - JUDGEMENTAL

You express all your beliefs. You say:

“You never ring me! You just disappeared. You are terrible to do that to me! I am ready to end our relationship…”

Actually, when you say: “You never ring me!” you are telling lies. They did ring you. Every day. And yet you believe your lie, not the truth.

At this level of communication, you have already written the story of what happened. You are judging. Therefore, you are unable to listen. This is not communication, this is condemnation.

WAY TWO – INTERPRETATIONAL

You express all your emotions. You say:

“I am so sad that you didn’t ring me. I worry – do you still love me? Did you meet someone else? Why is this happening to me?”

In this way, you are more honest and yet… It is still all about you. There is no space for the other person – it is all “poor me, poor me, poor me.” How attractive is that?

WAY THREE – REALITY

You describe what happened and ask for an explanation. You say:

“When we first met, you rang me every day for a week. Then from last Monday, I did not receive a call from you until now. I feel confused by your behaviour. Can you help me understand it?”

This is easy for the other person to hear – because there are no lies, no judgements, no accusations. It is accurate communication! It is very attractive.

Now what do you think the person says? Here’s what they say:

“I was in a terrible car accident. I am ringing you from hospital.”

***

I leave you to figure out the rest –accurate communication, based on describing what happened, makes you feel best in that situation.

In BodyChance Teaching Methods course, you start to learn how to help others help themselves, you start with accurate communication.

I call it “accurate communication” because it is based on a truthful description of what is happening. No stories. No fantasies. Clarity is power.

This is the one of the ways to leading a wonderful life!

Cheerfully

Jeremy

To Your ATSuccess !

***

[This continues the series of emails I recently wrote for BodyChance's list in Japan of those people considering to join our Teacher Education - ProCourse. The other messages have been:

1. How To Live A Wonderful Life - Part One

2. What Do You Believe About Your Movement Design?

3. Standing is Just A Story You Tell Your Self

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