Criticism

Yesterday I unleased an onslaught of criticism to a dear friend, and I was so worried I called her this morning to check in. She was ok, yet I could tell she had been traumatised. Her forgiveness was immediate, one reason why we are close.

Then later that day, I delivered a scathing two-line email to an associate telling him how he was weak and blind to his own behaviour. I usually never send those emails – it is enough to write them. But I sent it, and as soon as I did, I knew I had gone too far because I spent the next hour shaking.

Why am I doing this?

And I realised – it's not them I am battering, it's me.

Katie Byron first woke me up to this:

"I am always what I judge you to be in the moment."*

When I accuse you of being disloyal to me, in that moment I am being disloyal to you. It helps me when I am shaking – why did I do this to me? 

Leave the other person out of it.

We don't see ourselves without the help of others – another person can jolt us awake when we're ready for it. In January 1986 – when I hosted a workshop for Marj at a Snowy Mountains retreat in Victoria – she stunned me with her opening remarks…

"All I am trying to do is wake you people up. Not from bed in the morning, I mean during the day. To see yourself, to know what you are doing." ±

Alexander's Discovery gives us a means to know our Self, and it happens faster when we let others poke us awake. That's why the second stage of my ATSuccess plan begins with you finding a mentor with permission to poke you awake.