DeepThinking - How Depression, Frozen Shoulders and Black Holes Are All Similar

Depression is like a frozen shoulder - a dull, continuous condition that functions like a black hole, nothing escapes. No insight, no nuance - nothing. I awoke depressed this morning, just as the weather seemed dull and overcast. Depression is defiant to my analysis. Firstly, it's a challenge to recognise it's true cause. For that I trace back over my previous day until I find the moment, the comment, the thought, the situation that triggered it's onset. Secondly, it appears to have no nuance, no differentiation. In that, it reminds me of the frozen shoulder I suffered after the 10th dislocation of my gleno-humeral joint, coinciding with the death of my father. At that time I was saved by my precious teacher Marj Barstow, who worked with me for 40 minutes. Two hours later my shoulder exploded into a cacophony of sensations - it woke up, dramatically. It was glorious. I could see, feel and almost hear the competing tensions that had existed below the dull ache I had only known previously. It was fireworks, kaleidoscopic, multifaceted. It ended my frozen shoulder and reacquainted me with my arm. Depression reminds me of that. It's a black hole, from which nothing escapes. Getting into the constituent parts of my depression takes focused introspection: something depression tries to head off with beer, chocolate, sex, movies, shopping, internet surfing, gambling and all the rest of it. None of that will work. Inside that black hole is fear, desperation, anxiousness, tears, anger - another cacophony of competing emotions that seeks expression and recognition. Time to be reacquainted. Finally I cried. Finally I felt my fear, my sense of collapse and burden. Afterwards, in meditation, I read a poem by Shantideva. One line struck me as incredibly insightful… "…may no-one be afraid or belittled by a mind weighed down by depression…" Yes, I pray for that.