Falling Out of Love Taught Me How To Teach Groups…

When within 2 days you find your Self being angry - 5 times! - with different people, it's better to stop blaming the world for not making you happy, and instead ask the question:

WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!????

So I did that. Because it's me who got angry.

And the surprise is, it has a lot to do with how you lead a group.

If you're in a "mood", if you are unhappy with others, if you are in some "blame game" at the moment - read on. If not, forget to-day's Dispatch and go clean the kitchen please.

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As regular readers will know, I have been winding out of a lovers relationship and - for me - it is an ongoing inquiry.

Falling out of love has been a great learning experience for me.

A gift, as everything is, when you let it be. One of my key learnings has been a wakeup call: how little I am actually in charge of my behaviour!

How much of me is still a mammal: preprogramed and automatic.

It has led me to appreciate why these days neuroscientists are concluding - we have an illusion of control, but no real control. And when you teach a group, you'd do well to remember this.

And we don't lead groups, we let groups lead us.

We don't really think thoughts; rather thoughts think us. My real learning from falling out of love is that while some guidance is possible, and it cannot be imposed.

Guidance is not Control.

You move the way you move: you can shape that movement, but you cannot stop it.

You can't pick up water, make it the shape you want: behaviour is like that.

Behaviour isn't stopped, it cannot be paused.

The idea that inhibition is about "stopping" is against life.

All you get is an Alexandriod, a person stiff with the desire to not be who they are.

Behaviour flows the way water flows: without pause or waiting. We can predict and shape our personal flow over time. Behaviour is a movement of mountains, and all we have is a teaspoon to dig with.

Teaspoons won't dig a new path: instead, get out from the way of your behavioural flow. You are an obstruction to what is already flowing, that's it.

Well, this is very poetic and I am sure some readers are getting a little impatient with my water metaphor. It was new for me, so I loved getting into it.

Back to the angry me.

Why am I angry at all these people? Because they are not being kind to me.

Am I being kind to them?

Of course not.

At any moment - when you say: "They are unkind to me" then obviously, YOU are the one being unkind. You are judging others, accusing others.

In which case, why do I expect them to do what I cannot?

And it is true when you teach a group.

If a group does not move the way you want it to move, it will be because of you. Not them. You need to attune to the quality of flow in the room: – listening, receiving, using your intuition.

Group teaching involves incredible sensitivity to what is - to be present to now. Instead of projecting and blaming, be awake to the vibrations, expressions, and body language of your group. Notice their gestures and how they are arranged in the room: who is fidgeting, who is listening, who is asleep.

From this quality of being - clean clear awareness - arises the group you need to teach that day. It will teach itself if you let it.

From July 11th I am going to be running an 8 week course on how to run groups.

To sign up, first join my free series about Group teaching.

Group Teaching Online Seminar