Fear & Nausea in Washington, DC

I left off my story in New York.

A group of luminaries from the AT scene had signed up for my “Alexander’s Story” workshop, where unbeknownst to them, I was also adding for the first time my concept of “The Compass” – based on J. G. Bennett’s book “Enneagram Studies”.

My workshop explored synchronicities between my emotional journey out of alcohol addiction and Alexander’s journey out of his voice ‘addiction’ – something I had also written about in the “Emotions” issue of my DIRECTION Journal.

My intention with this workshop was to compare the stages of my emotional journey with the stages of Alexander’s journey as he described them in “Evolution of a Technique.”

But I felt the workshop was going badly, and I started to panic inside.

Finally, I looked at them all silently and made a risky decision. Without preamble, I suddenly began mimicking that I was pulling open an imaginary curtain between us – saying as I did that I wanted each participant to share their inner thoughts about the workshop so far…

Being New Yorkers, they had no hesitation in doing precisely that!

Their answers delighted and frightened me.

Nearly all of them agreed:

“We don’t want to hear about Alexander’s story – or even your story! We want to talk about OUR story!”

They gave me their consent to explore profound and personal issues - relating them to the process Alexander went through himself. These were all adult teachers – who was I to question their decision to explore their vulnerabilities with me? 

I love New York!

It turned out to be a great success – I was developing a new kind of Alexander work.

One of the participants that day, Riki Alexander, immediately invited me to Washington DC next week. I was reluctant, she was insistent, and in the end, my desire to continue exploring this way of working won over my reticence at having no formal qualification to do so.

When I arrived, I was confronted by a group of 5 women and a man: a physiatrist, two psychologists, a dance therapist and two AT teachers. I was blown away. How could I, who had no experience, possibly lead a workshop for these A-class professional people?!

I thought to myself:

“They must know so much more than me. I am a simple uneducated person who is following his own way out of darkness, but I have no formal qualifications or skills to justify offering this work at such a professional level.” 

However, they didn’t care. 

They trusted Riki - who had organised it all - and they wanted to experience this person (me) doing something they had never heard of anyone doing with Alexander’s work before.

It was 1989.

***

A Lesson Learned: Let Go and Let God and all will be Well

I began my workshop with a couple of simple questions: 

“What is your question? What do you want to explore?” 

A hand went up, and someone began to speak. I was literally nauseated with fear. I had no idea what would happen. It was at that point I said to myself: 

“Let go, Jerry. Just trust. Say whatever comes into your head. Don’t be logical, don’t think. Just be.”

I entered the “zone”. 

I entered that place that many musicians, sportspeople and performers of all kinds describe as a place of no thinking, no doubt, no question. Everything works because everything exists perfectly. It involves releasing control, letting go of predicting, calculating - and not even being cognizant of what just happened because it was already the past.

I cannot remember much from that weekend, except the nausea I felt each time I began working with the next participant. 

Because, as I trusted, and as I let go, I vanished.

***

The Vanishing

Carol Boggs, who visited Japan many years later for BodyChance’s annual Golden Week residential in 2006, was one of the participants that weekend. After she shared with me that she was fascinated with how I worked. Each person seemed to reach a place that surprised them - as if they discovered a part of their Self that had been hidden, and she wanted to know how I made that happen. Carol decided to watch me closely. 

How did I bring people to a profound place that was new for them?

Except I kept vanishing, like I was not there. 

Carol said that every time she tried to watch me, she ended up watching the other person. I understood what she was saying, because it was how I experienced it. I don’t remember anything about the content of those sessions. All I knew was that I would know when we were done. I had this sensation of travelling with each person along a path, but they were guiding me. Each time they told me what question to ask, what comment to make, when to be silent and when to question. I listened so I could learn who they were, and I did not interfere in their process. I was only a witness.

I was on a new path, a new opening.

This workshop marked the end of that world tour, and I headed back to Australia. Word got out about what had happened, and my organiser in Switzerland wanted me to offer this new kind of workshop in Zürich next year.

It happened, and this workshop would be a shattering experience – and the end of my touring career. I would soon become marooned in Sydney and unable to continue my research.

What happened, and how it all unravelled, will be my story next week…

***

I spent two years deciphering this work into a series of twenty lessons over two Modules. The 1st Module covers the Compass and Alexander’s story; the 2nd Module covers the Compass again with my story – both Modules leadi= to ways for you to work with your Self.

More on that at the link below:

https://bodychance.mykajabi.com/store/TGFBWut4/