How To Give Your Self Open Heart Surgery

When was the last time you asked anybody this question:

“What do you know about me that I don’t?”

I tried that question last Sunday with a bunch of trusted biz owners – guys and gals all working in ways similar to me to build their businesses. We were 9 people and as I sat silently listening, I felt my ego being silently ripped out of my guts and spilt all over the floor.

When you do it, be sure you are already secure in your love for your Self.

I could have had a better post-operative plan. After the ordeal – yes, it was an ordeal – I couldn’t face anyone. I hurried upstairs like a hysterical teenager, a strained smile on my face (my ego did not want to acknowledge the blows it had just suffered), to throw my Self face down on the huge King size bed in my rented room and…

I didn’t know whether to cry or celebrate.

What do you do when your mask has been ripped off?

However, these self-reflective moments are precious opportunities. Here’s how it works: think about a good friend you have, someone you have know for a long time. Now ask this question: can you understand their limitations? Do you see where they hold their own Self back, and don't really know it?

As I think about some of my friends – and family – I have multiple “Yes! Yes! Yes!” responses. I had been thinking about this, so of course the idea came to me…

“Well, if I see that about them, why wouldn’t they see that about me?”

So I did it. I asked. I gave my Self open heart surgery. And I recommend you try.

Of course, be careful who you ask. Make sure you choose people you trust or admire: people who will craft their piercing comments; people who express their honesty from a place of compassion, love and concern for your awakening development.

From your side, it doesn’t matter how well they craft it: you are have already made vulnerability the game, so be ready for it. Make sure you have a post-operative plan, a means of integrating this new information without being plunged into despair or depression. Your ego won't like it. It will throw it's tantrum for sure: binging on something to numb the truth. Don't do that to you Self. Be prepared.

I was reeling – still am – for days: up and down, aged and shelved ideas intruding again; new strategies dysfunctioning; motivations being sapped; existential fears resurfacing.

Scary stuff. And rich fodder for nurturing true development...

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This process was only possible because I believe in mentors. I believe that growth comes from seeing your reflection in the eyes of others, even strangers. Walter Carrington once commented that the real struggle with growing older is updating your Self image.

Your Self image is mostly a fiction – it’s your brain’s phantom fantasy to spuriously engender a holistic sense of Self – so it doesn’t age. It stays eternally young. How real is that? Yes, you need updates, preferably daily. You need to resketch the fantasy: consciously, constructively and continuously.

The best way for that to happen is by inserting you Self into situations where you are mentored, where there’s another person you trust enough to listen withour justifying, without being defensive.

In London this week I’ve enrolled three people for just that process (there is one more spot left) I wonder if they even know what’s coming? I did say so in the website:

“…you will spend this final day with Jeremy digging into the beliefs, strategies and behaviours you need to achieve outstanding success as a teacher.”

It sounds obvious enough, but your ego is never ready to be exposed to itself. And as a teacher I thought: “Well, I better live what I am asking others to live.” So I asked the question last Sunday.

And it lent me renewed respect and admiration for anyone willing enough to join their peers, stand up in a workshop and ask:

“What do you know about me that I don’t?”

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The 2016 ATSuccess Symposium will begin tonight in London, and involves 1 Day workshops this weekend (Jan 30/31) and next weekend (Feb 6/7) as well as 3 evenings between. You can attend just one or all of them. Come along tonight! Just turn up, no problem.