Selfish Wisdom

The Dalai Lama wrote that the best way to help others is to be selfish first: he called it "selfish wisdom."

The most obvious example is on an aeroplane.

When your hostess shows you how to use the oxygen mask, she will also advise that you put your mask on first, before you help a child with their mask. You before the child, not the child first (as most people would think).

It's obvious when you think about it - how can you help a child if you pass out? Then two of you would be harmed.

To help anyone else, first you need to be healthy, secure and confident.

It’s an Alexander precept, and its implications are radical. You need to be doing what is right for you, not what is right for others. Where do you sacrifice your own wellbeing, believing this is the way you can help others?

It can happen in small, unnoticed ways.

A friend wants you to do something - and you don't want to - but you hear yourself saying "yes" when you’re feeling "no" inside. Ever done that? It's an example of how you think you are helping another person when the opposite is true.

By being dishonest, you damage your relationship long term, for a short term gain.

Soon you want to avoid them; you feel irritated next time they ask; and slowly, by degrees, you weaken your friendship. How is that helping you or your friend?

Instead, the radical solution is to practise being Selfish! (so that you can help others)

Practise saying no when you feel no inside. In this case, a no to your friend is a yes to you.

Say yes to your Self.