The Advantage of Having a Death Wish

A number of kind readers picked up from my hospital blog, that my love affair with hospitals all started as a 2 year old boy, tied to a bed for 3 months. When asked about how I could have endured such a thing, I found my Self replying:

"The pain is at the heart of why I can keep going."

To do truly transform your life, it's an advantage to have a death wish.

This can be consciously or unconsciously acquired, however, 99% of the time it is unconsciously generated through traumatic experiences.

A death wish doesn't live exactly as that in your heart - it lives more as "Who cares?" or "What the hell!" or "What have I got to lose?" People who live recklessly, are constantly in the process of seeking their own demise, and instead find themselves rewarded with transformation.

The skill - because it cannot just be willed away - is to stop it flipping into the suicidal. It seems more than coincidental, that so many great artists, leaders and visionaries, have a thick, dark inner life.

When you have a hidden death wish - built on intolerable pain - you are prepared to do almost anything.

You'll run naked down Carnaby Street if it would make sense .

I remember reading in Richard Branson's autobiography, an insane moment when he was in an air balloon, 40,000 feet above the Atlantic ocean - with no means of communication - uncertain if he could ever escape the air current he was caught in.

It's insanity. Why would a man ever do such a thing?

Death wish. My working theory.

Of course, this is not something you really need to seek or cultivate. Or is it? As they say in 12 Step programs: you are not responsible for what happened to you, you are responsible for what you do next.

Certainly an energetic two year old boy, tied to a bed for 3 months, must have become very dark inside - I do approach close to this inner life occasionally, and a torrent of anger, pain and tears pour forth from my heart. And yet, I am so grateful for having had this experience.

All your terrible experiences are the fuel for your transformation.

My teacher - Lama Yeshe - occasionally joked that he would rather have a thief for a student, than a law-abiding citizen. Because when the thief can turn that energy around, he becomes a spiritual warrior.

Milton Erickson was into the same thing.

Meeting an obsessive reclusive, he noticed as he walked upstairs on a tour of her house, that the woman cultivated African violets under the window of the landing.

"Oh," he commented to her, "African violets are terribly hard to grow."

She responded enthusiastically, and explained in great detail the efforts she made. After listening to all that, Erikson suggested:

"Don't you think it be wonderful to send an African Violet to the funeral, each time a member of your Village died?"

A decade later, after starting this practise, she was one of the most celebrated, loved and visited members of her community.

An obsession turned to good. A darkness turned to light.

Next time you feel that depression, remember how grateful you can be. How that energy - turned around - is the source of all your insights and joy.

It is at the heart of why you can keep going.

Picture Credi: Pixabay.com