[TOG-2] The Reality That Didnโt Exist โข ๅญๅจใใชใใฃใ็พๅฎ
Jul 16, 2025
ใไปฅไธๆฅๆฌ่ชใ
My elder sister was thrilled by COVID.
Finally, she could refuse all invitations without a skerrick of guilt. She happily sequestered herself at home and never ventured out. In Japan they call such a person a “Hiki-komori” and there are lots of them in Tokyo.
My whole family is very “hiki-komori” – we all enjoy being alone; we regularly feel a need to withdraw. Perhaps it’s a consequence of coming from a large Catholic family? Dinner was always with nine people every night – it was like a noisy party, and it was relentless – often stretching to 2 in the morning.
So imagine my state when I started exploring this week that I could invite people to be with me, while I was with them. My immediate response was to think: “I don’t want to invite them to be with me. I like being hidden.” However, I do consider my Self as a performing artist…
And a performing artist is paradoxically the least hidden of all.
You are out there on display – the job is to be seen, heard, felt - and if you don’t like it, you are probably in the wrong profession. My acting teacher Stella Adler used to tell us:
“When you stand on the stage you must have a sense that you are addressing the whole world, and that what you say is so important the whole world must listen.” *
Stella told us never to reach down to an audience, but rather ask them to come to us on the stage. This is one of the key messages Cathy Madden left with us this week in her work with communication at Zen Place – seen above with many Pilates Instructors.
Here’s the rub: it takes only one other person to have an audience. If you are an Educator or even in an office - isn’t that almost all the time?
“Asking them to be with you while you are being with them…”
…is how Cathy often expressed it – made as an invitation, not a demand. I consider it an admission of truth – I am with you, and you are with me. There’s no way around that - this is the reality that exists – but as an accomplished hikikomori, I have developed multiple means of pretending otherwise: withdrawing so I can feel like I am not being here with you while certainly not wanting you to be with me!
But take a photo – it’s not true. We are both there. Pretending doesn’t change that. Therefore, being a hikikomori takes work: it is effortful.
When you explore this idea of inviting others to be with you – while you are with them – you can experience it as a simplification, an emptying of messy worries, concerns and insecurities. This is not so much something you are doing as it is something you are ceasing to do. As my precious teacher Marjorie Barstow (1899~1995) used to say:
“All you’ll get is the absence of what you had.”
How does this work if you decide to touch another with your hands – how congruent are you with this reality?
In my BodyChance training school, I was often criticised for not offering my trainees more guidance on where, how and when to use their hands in teaching. They wanted me to give them more specific “hands-on” training and I resisted offering this for one main reason:
As soon as ‘how-I-touch-you’ assumes more importance than ‘I-am-touching-you’, then ‘you’ slowly cease to exist in my mind. You become my object, the thing I use to get what I want. I am no longer “being with you” - I am “being with what I want” while slowly objectifying you. Pornography takes this same tendency to an extreme: it doesn’t matter who is in the video, it only matters that I get what I crave. Is this a suitable method for training a ‘hands-on’ approach?
I didn’t think so, so I followed another way.
While things can and do exist independently of each other, nothing – not a person, process or place – exists without linkage to others. We are as interdependent as we are independent – one exists in dependence upon the other. Just as up needs down and day needs night, so does independence need interdependency to wholistically exist.
Living in this dualism is a creative challenge when you use your hands: to touch the whole person through the area you are working with. People who manifest this ability are often known in Japan as having “God’s hand.”
God’s Hand?
Stay tuned.
* Stella Adler, Stella Adler – The Art of Acting (edited by Howard Kissel), Applause Books, 2000, Preface, p.โฏ22
*** JAPANESE ***
๏ผปTOG-2๏ผฝๅญๅจใใชใใฃใ็พๅฎ
็งใฎๅงใฏใใณใญใใซๅคงๅใณใใฆใใใ
ใคใใซใใปใใฎๅฐใใฎ็ฝชๆชๆใใๆฑใใใซใใในใฆใฎ่ชใใๆญใใใใใซใชใฃใใฎใ ใๅฝผๅฅณใฏๅใ ใจใใฆ่ชๅฎ ใซใใใใไธๅๅคใซๅบใใใจใใชใใฃใใๆฅๆฌใงใฏใใใใใไบบใฎใใจใใๅผใใใใใใจๅผใถใใใใฆๆฑไบฌใซใฏใใใใใไบบใใใใใใใใ
ใใกใฎๅฎถๆใฏใฟใใชใๅผใใใใใๆฐ่ณชใ ใไธไบบใงใใใฎใๅฅฝใใงใใจใใฉใ็กๆงใซๅผใใใใใใใชใใใซใใชใใฏใฎๅคงๅฎถๆใง่ฒใฃใๅๅใใใใใชใใๆฏๆฉใฎๅค้ฃใฏๅฟ ใ9ไบบใงใใพใใง้จใใใใใผใใฃใผใฎใใใ ใฃใใใใใใใใๅคไธญใฎ2ๆใพใง็ถใใใจใใใฐใใฐใงใ็ตใใใใชใใฃใใ
ใใใชไธญใงไป้ฑ็งใๆขๆฑใๅงใใใฎใฏใใไบบใจไธ็ทใซใใใจใใซใใใฎไบบใ“่ชๅใฎใใๅ ดๆใซๆใ”ใจใใใใจใใงใใใ๏ผใใจใใใใผใใ ใฃใใๆๅใซๆตฎใใใ ๅๅฟใฏใใใ ใฃใใ
ใๆใใใใชใใใชใใ้ ใใฆใใใใใ
ใใใงใ็งใฏใ่ชๅใฎใใจใใใใฉใผใใณใฐใปใขใผใใฃในใใจใใฆ่ใใฆใใ…ใ
ใใใฆใใใใฉใผใใณใฐใปใขใผใใฃในใใจใฏใ้่ชฌ็ใซใไธ็ชใ้ ใใใใชใใๅญๅจใ ใ
ไบบๅใซๅบใฆใ่ฆใใใ่ใใใๆใใใใใใจใไปไบใชใฎใ ใใใใๅซใชใใใใใใใใฎ่ทๆฅญใฏๅใใฆใใชใใ็งใฎๆผๆใฎๅ ็ใในใใฉใปใขใใฉใผใฏใใใใใ่จใฃใฆใใ๏ผ
ใ่ๅฐใซ็ซใฃใใจใใ่ชๅใ“ๅ จไธ็ใซๅใใฃใฆ่ชใฃใฆใใ”ใจใใๆ่ฆใๆใใชใใใฐใชใใชใใใใใฆใ่ชๅใฎ่จ่ใ“ไธ็ไธญใฎไบบใซ่ใใใในใใปใฉ้่ฆ”ใ ใจๆใใชใใใฐใชใใชใใใ*
ในใใฉใฏใๆฑบใใฆ่ฆณๅฎขใซใๅใใใซใใใชใใจ่จใฃใใใใใใใ่ๅฐใซใใ็งใใกใฎใจใใใธๆฅใฆใใใใใใซใใจๆฑใใใจๆใใฆใใใใไป้ฑCathy MaddenใZen Placeใง่กใฃใใณใใฅใใฑใผใทใงใณใฎใฏใผใฏใงใใใพใใซใใฎใใจใ้่ฆใชใกใใปใผใธใฎไธใคใ ใฃใใๅฝผๅฅณใฏๅคใใฎใใฉใใฃในๆๅฐ่ ใใกใจๅ ฑใซใใใฎๅจใๆนใ่บซไฝใ้ใใฆไผใใฆใใ๏ผไธใฎๅ็ๅ็ ง๏ผใ
ใใใฆใใใ่ฆ็นใ ๏ผใใฃใไธไบบใงใ็ธๆใใใใฐใใใใฏใ่ฆณๅฎขใใซใชใใใใชใใๆ่ฒ่ ใชใใใใใใฏใชใใฃในใงๅใใฆใใใชใใใใใฏใปใผๅธธใซใใใงใฏใชใใ๏ผ
ใ“่ชๅใ็ธๆใจๅ ฑใซใใ”ใจใใซใ“็ธๆใซใ่ชๅใจๅ ฑใซใใฆใใใ”ใใใซใใใใจใใ
Cathyใฏใใใใใใ่จ่ใง่กจ็พใใฆใใใใใใฏใ่ฆๆฑใใงใฏใชใใใๆๅพ ใใจใใฆ่กใใฎใ ใจใ็งใฏใใใใ็ๅฎใฎๅใๅ ฅใใใ ใจๆใใฆใใ——็งใฏใใชใใจๅ ฑใซใใใใใชใใ็งใจๅ ฑใซใใใใใใซ้ใ้ใฏใชใใใใใใๅฎ้ใซ“ๅญๅจใใฆใใ”็พๅฎใชใฎใ ใใใใใ็ญ้ๅ ฅใใฎๅผใใใใใจใใฆใฎ็งใฏใใใใ็ก่ฆใใใใใฎใใใใๆๆฎตใ็บ้ใใใฆใใใใใใใซๅฑ ใชใใใใใใซๅฑ ใชใใตใใใใใใใใซใใใใฆใใกใใใใใชใใซใใใใซๅฑ ใฆใปใใใชใ๏ผใใจๆใฃใฆใใใ
ใงใใๅ็ใๆฎใใฐไธ็ฎ็ญ็ถใ ——ๆใ ใฏ“ใใใซใใ”ใใใพใใใฆใ็ก้งใชใฎใ ใใคใพใใใๅผใใใใใใซใชใใซใฏๅชๅใใใใ็ตๆงใชๅดๅใๅฟ ่ฆใชใฎใ ใ
ใใฎใ็ธๆใๆใใใจใใ่ใใๆขๆฑใๅงใใใจใใใใฏ้ใซใๅฟ้ ใไธๅฎใๆฐ้ฃใใจใใฃใ็ ฉใใใใใฎใๆๆพใใใทใณใใซใช่ก็บใซใชใใใใใใชใใใใใฏใไฝใใใใใใจใใใใใใใใใไฝใใใใใใใใจใชใฎใ ใ็งใฎๆฉๅธซใMarjorie Barstow๏ผ1899ใ1995๏ผใฏใใใใ่จใฃใฆใใ๏ผ
ใๅพใใใใใฎใฏใ“ๆใฃใฆใใใใฎใ็กใใชใใใจ”ใ ใใใใ
ใงใฏใใใใใชใใไป่ ใซๆใง่งฆใใใใจใใใจใ——ใใฎ็พๅฎใซใใใชใใฏใฉใใปใฉไธ่ดใใฆใใใฎใ ใใใ๏ผ
็งใBodyChanceใงๆใใฆใใ้ ใใใฌใผใใผใใกใใใใๆนๅคใใใใใใฉใใซใใฉใใใฃใฆใใใคๆใไฝฟใใใใซใคใใฆใใฃใจๅ ทไฝ็ใซๆใใฆใปใใใใจใๅฝผใใฏใใใณใบใชใณใฎๆๅฐใใใใฃใจๆฌฒใใใฃใฆใใใใ็งใฏใใใซๆตๆใใฆใใใไธปใช็็ฑใฏใใใ ๏ผ
ใใฉใ่งฆใใใใใใใใชใใซ่งฆใใฆใใใใจใใไบๅฎใใใ้่ฆใซใชใฃใ็ฌ้ใซใ็งใฎไธญใง“ใใชใ”ใจใใๅญๅจใๅฐใใใคๆถใใฆใใใฎใ ใใใชใใฏใ็งใๆฌฒใใใใฎใๅพใใใใฎ“ๆๆฎต”ใซใชใฃใฆใใพใใ็งใฏใใฏใใใใชใใจๅ ฑใซใใใใฎใงใฏใชใใใ่ชๅใๆใใใฎใจๅ ฑใซใใใๅญๅจใซใชใใใใชใใๅฐใใใค“ใขใๅ”ใใฆใใพใใฎใ ใใใซใใฐใฉใใฃใผใฏใใใฎๅพๅใๆฅต็ซฏใซ่กจ็พใใใใฎใจ่จใใ——ใใใซ่ชฐใๅบใฆใใใใฏ้ขไฟใชใใ็งใๆฌฒๆใๆบใใใใใฉใใใใใใ ใใ้่ฆใชใฎใ ใใใใชใใๆนใงใใใณใบใชใณใใๆใใใใจใซใๆๅณใใใใฎใ ใใใ๏ผ
็งใฏใใใฏๆใใชใใฃใใใ ใใใๅฅใฎ้ใ้ธใใ ใ
็ฉไบใฏไบใใซ็ฌ็ซใใฆๅญๅจใใใใจใใใใใๅๆใซใไฝไธใคใไปใจใฎ้ขไฟใชใใซใๅญๅจใใฆใใใใฎใฏใชใใไบบใใใใญใปในใใๅ ดๆใใใในใฆใไปใจใฎ้ขไฟๆงใฎไธญใซใใใ็งใใกใฏใ็ฌ็ซใใๅญๅจใใงใใใจๅๆใซใ็ธไบไพๅญ็ใชๅญๅจใใงใใใ——ใฉใกใใไธๆนใงใฏๆใ็ซใใชใใใไธใใใไธใใๅฟ ่ฆใจใใใๆผใใใๅคใใๅฟ ่ฆใจใใใใใซใใ็ฌ็ซใใซใฏใไพๅญใใๅฟ ่ฆใชใฎใ ใ
ใใฎไธกๆฅตใฎใใใ ใง็ใใใจใใใใจใฏใๆใไฝฟใใจใใซใใๅต้ ็ใชๆๆฆใซใชใใใไธ้จใใซ่งฆใใชใใใๅ จไฝใฎไบบ้ใใซ่งฆใใใจใใใใจใ ใใใฎ่ฝๅใไฝ็พใใไบบใฏใๆฅๆฌใงใฏใใใ็ฅใฎๆใๆใคไบบใใจๅผใฐใใใใจใใใใ
ใ็ฅใฎๆใ๏ผ
็ถใใฏใพใใ
* ใใใงใใใใปใซใใใฏใๆฅๅธธใฎใ่ชๅใใงใฏใชใใใใๆทฑใๆๅณใงใฎ“ๆฌๆฅใฎ่ชๅทฑ”ใๆใใพใใ
Join Jeremy's (sometimes) Daily
Where I write about anything related to Alexander's discovery
(aka Alexander Technique).ย