Yes. No. Please – I Won’t. Can, thanks. OK?

I hope you like my blog title today?

This is the mind of a person in serious conflict.

Yesterday I was rabbiting on about wanting what you don’t like. You do your taxes even when you don’t like it, right? Happens every day. However, unless you are awake to it, you will can your life harder than necessary. You add garbage to something that can be done cleanly.

The operating principle here is: you don’t have to like it, to want it.

This principle comes into its own for public speaking. How many people just love getting up in front of a group and speaking? Some, granted. Never bothered me.

But man, there are people who go paralytic. Painful to watch. And soooo unnecessary. When you are teaching someone to speak in front of groups, ALWAYS start off by asking them this question:

“Do you want to do this?”

If they answer “No” end the lesson. Immediately.

I promise the lesson won’t end (it might). Instead, they look at you in surprise and blurt out something like:

But I want to try it now.

“Oh, so now you do want to do this?”

Yes.

Well No.

Please – I Won’t do it all.

I Can some, thanks.

OK?

“No, it’s not OK. The decision is binary, not complicated. You either want to speak or you don’t?”

The truth of it is this: you cannot ‘speak’ and ‘not speak’ at the same time!

Any yet, that’s exactly what people try to do. That’s the added garbage I mentioned above. That what makes it all so messy and hard. And then they wonder why speaking involves so much tension? It’s driving your car with the handbrake on full.

It’s like trying to go up and down at the same time.

Like those crazy dancers who say they will lift their arm while keeping their shoulder down. Insane.

Next time you have a student who flushes hot and cold about doing something, give them the genuine option of sitting down and waiting until they get a clear YES or a clear NO. Be bold enough to refuse their request until they are bold enough to fully want it.

And remember: they don’t need to like it.

They just need to want it.