You Can Always Change the Past

My self-image in the twilight years of (old) BodyChance was one of failure.

From a staff of nine, now I had only one full-time employee + me. Once upon a time, I had dreamed of creating a solid group who could manage the school after I retired - instead, many had left in bitterness. One way I supported my Self was through the practice of Precepts - getting up before dawn, taking 8 vows and noticing that, well - for that day at least - good things happened.

But by 2011, I had stopped doing Precepts as BodyChance grew busier. 

Then, the year before the pandemic started in 2019, I started them again. Although my motivation was more worldly, I also got comfort - it was my place of refuge; a place where I understood my life was terminal, but existence eternal. I felt secure within these beliefs, counteracting the despair and desperation I felt about BodyChance.

At BodyChance, things went from bad to worse. 

As the pandemic hit, many trainees left or could not afford to continue. Classes went to ZOOM - then some teachers and trainees rebelled against it. There were accusations that I had violated their privacy because I was recording and making lessons available for trainees who could not attend.

Suddenly the Personal Information Protection Commission of Japan was calling the office telling us a complaint that had been filed against my school, and we were being investigated. There were letters from lawyers, trips to my lawyer and discoveries of nationalistic laws, such as - if a Japanese is going to appear with a foreigner in a video recording, they must first explicitly give permission. 

What?!

I handled all this - while continuing my weekly Precepts - until one day, I scolded the Buddha and said internally, “Why aren’t you helping me with my school any more?” Because it wasn’t getting better, it just kept getting worse…

And then it hit me. 

I had close to a million dollars sitting in an account that had just miraculously appeared since I had started retaking Precepts in 2019 (Tesla shares). Not only that, it gave me the freedom to manage BodyChance without taking a salary and the courage to say, “I don’t want to do this anymore!”. It’s what Americans like to call my “fuck you money”.

Then I realised I wasn’t a failure at all - everything that had happened was perfect. I understood that my past was something I had constructed in my mind. It’s a story - and often, what you think happened, didn’t really happen at all. You can change your past any time you like. Now I could manage BodyChance without an income from it - wow - and I felt fresh, new freedom to reconsider my life.

Hilariously - as my path got clearer again -  my “fuck you” money mostly evaporated. It was like the Buddha was saying - I got you over that patch - now it’s your turn again.

But my turn to do what?

I was about to find out…

This is the third in a series of daily emails exploring my challenges in communicating Alexander’s Discovery.