An Embarrassing Confession

"How we get ourselves into this mess I don't know; but this is a way to get out." — Marjorie Barstow Teaching Aphorism

Today is my personal Letter with a confession: I can suffer from back pain.

***

22 years ago in Kyoto, I was standing in the school yard waiting to pick up Angelica, my 4-year-old daughter at the time. Suddenly, I heard her voice behind me:

"Daddy!!!"

As I turned, it was obvious she wanted to jump into my arms, so I also bent down onto my heels and caught her in this half-turned, crouched position. As I straightened up while holding her, I felt something odd happen in my lower back.

All my trouble started from that day.

About a week later, I was suddenly struck by a screaming, piercing pain in my lower back that totally disabled me. For the next four days, I could only lie on my back at home in Hieidaira, watching all the seasons of HBO's Sopranos on video, while my family fed and cared for me. I admit I felt shame and failure — wasn't I supposed to be the expert who had no problems of this sort?

Eventually, I was well enough to move again. I went back to teaching, and over the next 10 years, I completely forgot about it. Then one day it happened again — this time while I was also bent over, sweeping crumbs off the floor in my kitchen. Another week of struggling, summoning all of my Alexander powers to get well. Foolishly, I had failed to consult anyone the first time around — I thought I could manage on my own. This time, I did not feel so confident, so when I could move again, I went to the doctor to seek medical advice.

Unfortunately, there was nothing they advised that I didn't already know. However, they did prescribe anti-inflammatory medicine, which was like a miracle cure. Within two days of taking those pills, my pain completely evaporated. Today, I still have them on hand, just in case.

Again, my back pain faded away, the years ticked over, then COVID happened.

This time I started spending upwards of 16 hours a day sitting at my computer, desperately trying to pivot BodyChance into online learning and salvage my school before it collapsed. Then I started to notice that my back was getting sore. Different this time — not the screeching pain, more like an ache that would not go away.

I decided to be more vigilant in my analysis of what I was doing while sitting at the desk, and this was the beginnings of my insight into the 5 Postural Joints.

To my amazement, I realised that my problem was not with my back, but with my arms. My arms had been through their own torturous journey, with 13 dislocations of my left shoulder since I was 16, and another dislocation on the right side. Now I discovered the critical importance of the Wing Joints (sternoclavicular joints — where the clavicle meets the sternum).

No one ever seems to put any emphasis on these Wing Joints.

However, just like the Hip Joints, they have all three ranges of movement. When you study anatomy books, they give you a detailed analysis of the movements of the scapula (shoulder blade), yet they often fail to point out — or ever relate — that none of these movements is possible without the participation of your Wing Joints. It is almost as though they want to keep them hidden!

However, you can never fully understand your arms if you ignore your Wing Joints.

During COVID, I discovered how my lower back was being shortened and compressed by the subtle way I depressed and retracted my whole arm from my Wing Joints while I was typing. Normally, this was so slight as to remain manageable by my Postural Movement System (PMS), but during COVID, with long periods of sitting and typing, it was impossible to contain the negative consequences.

I have since made additional discoveries of how to manage my back, my legs becoming a second major contributor that I had failed to register. When legs don't work as designed — by bending and moving the weight of the body around — too much work falls upon the extensors of your back, again resulting in surprising negative consequences. I now suspect that this initially caused my injury.

***

All of my insights have landed in PILANDES.

Pilates is a superb method for restoring the balanced strength required for PMS to be able to successfully maintain your balance and well-being while you do what you do.

And finally, it doesn't matter how much you know — life happens to all of us.

It's what you do next that matters the most.

NEXT: What Am I Supposed To Do Next?

Stay tuned.

2026 Workshops

LONDON:
August 8 – PILANDES
August 23 – Trauma-Informed AT

NEW YORK:
October 24 – PILANDES
October 25 – Trauma-Informed AT

Information and Bookings